everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him *rover* or
*spot*..I called mine *sex*..now sex has been very embarrassing
to me. When I went to the city hall to renew the dog's license
for sex. I told the clerk I'd like a license for sex. he said:

 "I would like to have one too!" then I said:
 "she is a dog!!"..he said he didn't care what she looked like.
  I said:
 "you don't understand, I had sex since I was 9 years old."
  he replied.
 "you must have been quite a strong boy."
 
when I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would
like to have sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after
the wedding was over.  I said:

"but sex has played a big part in my life and my life revolves
around sex."..he said he didn't want to hear about my personal
life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody
would like having sex at the wedding.  The next day, we were
married at the justice of peace, my family is barred from the
church then on.
 
when my wife and i went on out honeymoon. I took the dog with me.
when we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a
room for me and my wife and a special room for sex. He said every
room in the motel is a place for sex. I said:
"you don't understand, sex keeps me awake at night."
the clerk said: "me too!"
 
one day I entered sex in a contest, but before the competition
began sex ran away.  Another contestant asked me why I was just
looking around, I told him that I was going to have sex in the
contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets..
"you don't understand!!" I said: "I hoped to have sex on TV!!"
he called me a show off.
 
when my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody
of the dog.  I said: "your honor, I had sex before I was married,
but sex left me after I was married.  The judge said:
"me too!!"
 
last night sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for
her.  A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley
at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said:
"I'm looking for sex."
my case comes up next Thursday.
 
well, now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced, and had more
damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. While just the
other day when I went for my first session with my psychiatrist,
she asked me: "what seems to be the trouble?" I replied:

 "sex has been my best friend all of my life, but now it has
left me forever.  I couldn't live any longer, so lonely"
the doctor said:
 "look mister, you should understand sex isn't a man's best
friend, so get yourself a dog.."