ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the 
urinal or forcing poop in a stall.  This is usually accompanied by a
sudden wave of panic/embarrassment.  This is similar to the hot flash you
receive when passing  an unseen police car and speeding.  If you 
release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.  Pretend it did not happen.
If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did
not hear it.  No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved.
Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns
pace.  This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover.  If this
should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left
the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the
poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed
location.  This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up
the bathroom.  This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you
have
just stunk-up the bathroom.  This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone walks in.  As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the
smell does not exist.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it.  You
will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under their arm.  Always look around the office 
for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency
pooping goes off without incident.  This group can help you to monitor
the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you
can least expect visitors.  Try floors that are predominantly of the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering
the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open.  This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work.  If this
occurs,  remain in the stall until the TURD BURG leaves.  This way you
will
avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom
that you are in a stall.  This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or
to alert potential TURD BURGLARS.  Very effective when  used in 
conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD
BURGLARS
that you are occupying a stall.  This will remove all doubt that the
stall is occupied.  If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so
the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water.  This is also an embarrassing incident.  If you feel a
WATERMELON
coming on, create a diversion.  See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in
the toilet water.  Often accompanied by an escapee.  Try using a
CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot.
An UNCLE  TED makes it difficult to relax while on the
crapper, as you  should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom
is empty. 

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in,
check for other poopers.  If there are others in the  bathroom,  leave and
come back again.  Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.  People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus.  Tell
tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks.
Avoid a CRACK WHORES at all cost.  Try finding out when the
janitor cleans each particular bathroom.  Don't forget, a CRACK WHORE
can become a SAFE HAVEN.