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You can't be a real country unless you have a beer
and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a
football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very
least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will
teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemmingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out
of me.
--Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer.
--Plato
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
--W.C. Fields
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
--His reply
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
--David Daye
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
--Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henry Youngman
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I
bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to
pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
--Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for
example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan
They who drink beer will think beer.
--Washington Irving
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this
and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin,
we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright
Sometimes
when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then
I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of
their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of
work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is
better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be
selfish and worry about my liver."
-- Jack Handy
I feel
sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as
good as they're going to feel all day.
-- Frank Sinatra
The
problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
-- William Butler Yeats
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
-- Anonymous
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one
activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
-- Ross Levy
What
contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
-- Tee Mans
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time
and have the time of your life.
* Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd
rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
-- Tom Waits
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the
world.
-- Kaiser Wilhelm
I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a Drunk, Alcoholics
got meetings
-- Bumper sticker
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!
-- Anonymous
Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
-- Anonymous
To some it’s a six-pack, to me it's a support Group..
-- Anonymous
Beer - Because one doesn't solve the world's
problems over white wine.
-- Anonymous
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