THE BOARD OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON
LIQUOR BOTTLES TO WARN DRINKERS ABOUT THE HAZARDS OF DRINKING

1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
    like an asshole.

2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
    boring story over and over again until your friends want to
    SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings
    like thish.

4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
    ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in
    the morning.

5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
    the hell happened to your pants.

6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over
    in the morning and see something really scary (whose species
    and or name you can't remember).

7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
    inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
    you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really,
    really big guy named Thor.

9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe
    you're invisible.

10.WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
    are laughing WITH you.