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Here's something that I think goes along with the chill of this
season. No offense to those originating from Wisconsin.
Just remember much of Wisconsin was settled by the Norwegians and Swedes
The coldest air of the season is now entering the United States. As a
public service, I am providing the following temperature table to show
you the effects of and help you deal with the impending arctic blast.
(degrees Fahrenheit / Celsius)
+50 / +10
* New York tenants turn on the heat
* Wisconsinites plant gardens
* Airmass too stable for supercells
+40 / +4
* Californians shiver uncontrollably
* Wisconsinites sunbathe
+35 / +2
* Italian cars don't start
+32 / 0
* Distilled water freezes
+30 / -1
* You can see your breath
* You plan a vacation in Florida
* Politicians begin to worry about
the homeless
* Wisconsinites eat ice cream
+25 / -4
* Boston water freezes
* Californians weep pitiably
* Cat insists on sleeping on your bed
with you
+20 / -7
* Cleveland water freezes
* San Franciscans start thinking
favorably of LA
* Green Bay Packers fans put on
T-shirts
+15 / -10
* You plan a vacation in Acapulco
* Cat insists on sleeping under the
covers with you
* Wisconsinites go swimming
+10 / -12
* Politicians begin to talk about the
homeless
* Too cold to snow
* You need jumper cables to get the
car going
0 / -18
* New York landlords turn on the heat
* Sheboygan brats grilled on the
patio, yum!
-5 / -21
* You can hear your breath
* You plan a vacation in Hawaii
-10 / -23
* American cars don't start
* Too cold to skate
-15 / -26
* You can cut your breath and use it
to build an igloo
* Miamians cease to exist
* Wisconsinites lick flagpoles
-20 / -29
* Cat insists on sleeping in your
pajamas with you
* Politicians actually do something
about the homeless
* People in Green Bay think about
taking down screens
* Every other storm chaser thinks air
is too stable for
supercells
-25 / -32
* Too cold to kiss
* You need jumper cables to get the
driver going
* Japanese cars don't start
* Milwaukee Brewers head for spring
training
-30 / -34
* You plan a two-week hot bath
* Pilsener freezes
* Bock beer production begins
* Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof
-38 / -39
* Mercury freezes
* Too cold to think
* Wisconsinites button top button
-40 / -40
* Californians disappear
* Car insists on sleeping in your bed
with you
* Wisconsinites put on sweaters
-50 / -46
* Congressional hot air freezes
* Alaskans close the bathroom window
* Green Bay Packers practice indoors
-60 / -51
* Walruses abandon Aleutians
* Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed
for the Season"
* Wisconsinites put gloves away, take
out mittens
* Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start
Klondike Derby
-70 / -57
* Glaciers in Central Park
* Hudson residents replace diving
boards with hockey nets
* Green Bay snowmobilers organize
trans-lake race to Sault Ste.
Marie
-80 / -62
* Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
* Rhinelander Birkebeiner
* Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start
Klondike Derby
-90 / -68
* Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de
Janeiro
* Lawyers chase ambulances for no
more than 10 miles
* Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin
thinking it MUST be warmer
-100 / -73
* Santa Claus abandons North Pole
* Wisconsinites pull down earflaps
-173 / -114
* Ethyl alcohol freezes
* Only Door County cherries usable in
brandy Manhattans
-297 / -183
* Oxygen precipitates out of
atmosphere
* Microbial life survives only on
dairy products
-445 / -265
* Superconductivity
-452 / -269
* Helium becomes a liquid
-454 / -270
* Hell freezes over
* Chicago Cubs win world series
* Roger Edwards sees a wedge tornado
-456 / -271
* Texas drivers drop below 85 MPH on
I-35
-458 / -272
* Incumbent politicians renounce
campaign contributions
-460 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
* All atomic motion ceases
* Wisconsinites admit it's getting a
mite nippy
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