PLAYGIRL INC.
NEW ENGLAND BRANCH
PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND 02902

We wish to thank you for your letter and Polaroid photo which we recently received. We regret, however, that we will not be able to use your photo as our "Playgirl's Man of the Month."

When rated by our AAW (Auaricious American Women) on a scale of 1-10 your body was rated a minus 2 (-2). The panel is comprised of widowed females ranging in ages from 50-75 years old who have been deprived of sexual activity for a minimum of five years.

To confirm your below average rating, we submitted your photograph to a second panel, the HUHA (Horny Undersexed Housewives of America), whose age range from 25-35. However, we could not get them to contain their laughter long enough to rate you.

Please be assured, that should the tastes of American women deteriorate so drastically that a body such as yours would be in demand, you will be notified. Meanwhile, please do not call us, we will call you.

Sincerely,
PLAYGIRL INC.

P.S. It pains us to inform you, that had your photo been used, the staple holding our centerfold together would have completely obstructed what you refer to as your "item of interest."