Comments found in employees performance appraisals...

- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

- A room temperature IQ.

- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

- A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

- A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

- Bright as Alaska in December.

- One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.

- Donated his body to science before he was done using it.

- Fell out of the family tree.

- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

- Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

- He's so dense, light bends around him.

- If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.

- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

- One neuron short of a synapse.

- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

- Takes him 1.5 hours to watch 60 minutes.

- Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

- Dumb as a box of rocks.

- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom..and.. has started to dig.

- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

- I would not allow this employee to breed.

- This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite won't be'.

- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

- When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

- He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.