1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many
people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the
left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in
before hitting the orange construction barrels.

2. Turn signals are clues as to your next move. A real St Louis driver
never uses them.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you
and the car in front of you or the space will be filled in by somebody
else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered
"going with the flow."

5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you
have of getting hit.

6. Never get in the way of a older car that needs extensive body work.
Missouri's a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have
anything to lose.

7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that
your ABS kicks in giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake
pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch
your legs.

8. Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after
you pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back up.

9. The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to
provide useful information. They are only there to make St Louis look
high-tech and to distract you from seeing the St Louis County police car
parked in the median.

10. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good
way to scare people entering the highway.

11. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and
apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

12. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or
move over doesn't mean that a St Louis driver flashing his high beams
behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

13. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during
rush-hour traffic in St Louis

14. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tire.

15. Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing
litter from getting lonely and gives Adopt-a-highway crews something to clean up.

16. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, (especially pickup truck drivers
with stickers of Calvin peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.)

17. Learn to swerve abruptly. St Louis is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks
to MDOT (Missouri Dept of Transportation), which puts potholes in key locations to test
drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

18. It is traditional in St Louis to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the
light changes.

19. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

20. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

21. Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules.
These weather conditions are Gods way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops,
junk yards, and new vehicle sales. After all, we do have our priorities.

22. Remember that the goal of every St Louis driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

23. Real St Louis women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply mascara, eye-liner, and lipstick
going a minimum of 75 mph. Real St. Louis men can eat a big mac in one hand, fries in the other,
while keeping his coke between his legs going a min of 80 mph.