Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States' crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.    Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Middle East still closed off.  Physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112;  Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2032.   Vows to find Bin Laden.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.84 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study:  Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.  Last white player enters nursing home.

New federal law requires that all hatchets, meat forks, fly swatters, and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by July 1, 2030.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

Congress replaces Estate Tax with Conception Tax.   IRS faces layoffs if birth rate drops.

Florida voters confused by new voting machines.

NASCAR now national pastime.  Supreme Court allows taking of three North Carolina counties for grandstands at enlarged track.