Clocks

 A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates, 
he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked  St.  Peter,  

"What are all those clocks?" 

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-clock. Every 
time you lie the hands on your clock will move." 

"Oh," said the man. "Whose clock is that?"   
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."    

"Incredible," said the man. 
"And whose clock is that one?" 

St.  Peter  responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice,  
telling that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."    

"Where's John Kerry's clock?" asked the man. 
"Kerry's clock is in  Jesus's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."