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Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing you today, the 26th of December.
Well, I would very much like to clear up certain
things that have occurred since the beginning of the month!
While filled with illusion, I wrote you this letter. I asked for a
bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller
blades, a Mark McGuire bat and glove, and a football uniform.
I was a good kid all year. I even destroyed my
brain studying and doing my homework. Not only was I the first
in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school!
I'm not going to lie to you Santa, there was no
one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me. With
my parents, my brothers and sisters, my friends and my neighbors, I
would go on errands and even help the elderly cross the street. There was
virtually nothing I wouldn't do for humanity!
WHAT BALLS YOU HAVE LEAVING ME A
FUCKING YO-YO, A STUPID ASS WHISTLE,
AND A PAIR OF SOCKS! WHAT THE FUCK
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, YOU FAT SON OF A
BITCH, THAT YOU'VE TAKEN ME FOR A
SUCKER THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR, TO
COME OUT WITH SOME SHIT LIKE THIS
UNDER THE DAMN TREE? AND AS IF YOU
HADN'T FUCKED ME ENOUGH, YOU GAVE
THAT LITTLE SHITHEAD ACROSS THE
STREET SO MANY FUCKING TOYS, HE
CAN'T EVEN WALK INTO HIS DAMN HOUSE!
PLEASE DON'T LET ME SEE YOU TRYING
TO FIT YOUR BIG FAT ASS DOWN MY
CHIMNEY NEXT YEAR, I'LL FUCK YOU UP!
NOT TO MENTION I'LL THROW ROCKS AT THOSE STUPID ASS
REINDEERS OF YOURS AND SCARE THEM
THE FUCK AWAY SO YOU'LL HAVE TO
WALK YOUR BIG FAT ASS BACK TO THE
NORTH POLE, JUST LIKE I HAVE TO DO
SINCE YOU DIDN'T GET ME THAT FUCKING
BIKE I ASKED FOR, YOU PUNK BITCH! YOU
KNOW WHAT SANTA, FUCK YOU!!! NEXT
YEAR YOU'LL FIND OUT HOW BAD I CAN
REALLY BE....SO WATCH YOUR BACK,
YOU FAT BITCH!!!
Sincerely,
Sammy Kinison
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