|
This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College.
For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from
Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had
the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the
courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for
Saturday night.
Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like
Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he
can't make it through twenty minutes without either puking or crapping.
After several hours of this, he is able to stop puking, but he is still
running to the toilet every 20 minutes to crap. He doesn't want to
cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again.
So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about
a 30 minute ride).
They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers
to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without
interruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees. They
decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling,
but doesn't want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it.
After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of
gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there
at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of
gas came with another little surprise. "Oh crap," he thinks (and
feels). Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero
immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this
surprise. He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert,
trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell,
or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner
and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way, he is walking like a
cowboy. On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap.
"Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last
week?" he asks. "No problem, I'd like to look around too," she replies.
They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are on
the right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up. Our hero
grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the khakis.
After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he
brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date (still on
the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him
buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through
clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away)
"Just the pants."
"What?" asks the Gap girl.
"Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained on his date.)
Gap girl: "Oh, OK."
He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave the
store. They board the train just before it leaves the station and find
two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero
excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He
gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his
pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out
the window.
After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out...just
the sweater.
|
